Empathy for the Self
A Practical
Guide for Caregivers and Educators
By Joy Chang
Did you know that practicing self-care helps us promote kindness and empathy towards others as well? So, what are some ways you can practice empathy for yourself?
It’s a weekday afternoon.
You’re rushing to pick up your child from school to get to soccer practice. After coaxing your child off the school playground, they finally get in the car but continue whining. You’re already running late and now you’re stuck in traffic. Uh-oh! The snacks just spilled all over the car seat in the back.
What do you do?
Take a pause
It's OK to take a moment to pause and check-in before reacting. Ask yourself: “How am I feeling right now?” Although it may feel unnatural to pause, giving yourself an extra moment can make a difference in your emotional well-being. It is a meaningful act of empathy to thoughtfully respond instead of reacting immediately and possibly saying something you may regret and escalate your emotions. While it is important to care about others, it is equally important to care about yourself (Malti, 2020).
Acknowledge Yourself!
Give yourself grace. Acknowledge the positive and the challenging moments of the day. Acknowledge that you’re getting through the day, and sometimes that’s good enough for now.
Talk about it
Show yourself the same compassion, gentleness, and patience that you give to the children. What would you say to them if they are having a hard day? Use the same compassion with yourself as you do with children.
This can create positive changes to your life and those around you (Malti, 2020).
Be your own model
Children learn through observing and imitating. When they observe how you react to challenges and big emotions, they learn how you cope with your mistakes and how to behave towards yourself. When these moments arise, we can create a warm, inclusive environment to teach children how they can show up for others while being aware of their own needs (Freire, 2007; Walker, 2014, as cited in Malti, 2020). For example, you can model kindness towards yourself through language such as, “We are running late, but it’s OK, I can’t control the traffic” or actions, “I’m feeling frustrated, I need to take some deep breaths first.” What better way to teach children than by embracing these opportunities as
teaching moments?
Now, give yourself a pat on the back for taking the first step towards empathy for the self — taking the time to learn about it! It’s important to remind yourself that practicing empathy for the self is a learning curve. It’s OK that some days you are not your best self, it also communicates to children that everyone has those days. When those days come around, you can turn to your loved ones and let their empathy guide you through.
Read about how one father found self-compassion as a stay-at-home parent >>>here.
This won't
last forever.
It isn't easy, but
you're getting through it!
Tomorrow will
be a better day.
